sunflowers.

Sunflowers. Wild sunflowers grow towards the sun in something called phototropism and in many ancient myths is viewed as a symbol of loyalty. The flowers bright petals are linked to the rays of the sun which evoke feelings of warmth and happiness. Sunflowers are often associated with adoration and longevity.

 

=My wedding flower of choice.

Things are slowly coming together. My mom has actually stated she will cut the pattern for my dress, something that I have been irrate about lately (I swear it’s just the hormones). Caterer is set. Really all we need to take care of is the cake. And we’re doing cupcakes. Which is apparently the new trendy thing these days and how ridiculous that I would unknowingly participate in such a charade. But whatever. Cupcakes, makes sense. I am feeling more at ease these days. Happy to be finally making some concrete decisions and wearing my hair all wild and curly. It’s time for summer.

blogs vs. journals

So I’ve been a user of sites like greatestjournal and livejournal for nearly all of my online journaling life which has spanded about… seven years. Sites like these, you basically protect yourself from prying eyes while still allowing people to read your more personal thoughts, give feedback, opinions, post nudie pictures, whathaveyou… But blogs, well, they’re much different. They are a public spectacle and of the GOOD ones I’ve read, seem to be composed of bits and pieces of the author’s life, mixed with pictures, ideas, things of obsession or interest at the moment and art. I’m having a hard time making this transition into what I consider to be a good blog author. And maybe I shouldn’t even care. Maybe that’s my whole problem, caring. Comparing. The beauty of blog writing is the freedom to do so. The freedom to have voice and in someway, have it published. I’ve met both fanatics of online writing and haters of online writing. There are always two sides to everything. Yes you have this small outlet to express yourself, but it is also an open invitation into your life in doing so. And people have gotten nailed because of it.

Well, whatever. Regardless, I still love the idea. And I don’t care what label that slaps on me. Or if I don’t have an interesting take on life, or interesting enough to have a blog about it atleast.

you got a pretty face.

Oh my! Alien!

So, I am now considered in my 6th month of pregnancy. Or something. How fantasticly fast this is going, it’s just… fantastic. I had my checkup yesterday where I was advised to watch my weight (ok, so I really dig eating icecream… alot) and told that my uterus is about 24inches long. So it’s like, an inch or two above my bellybutton, which is so apparent. Silas is crazy active these days. My doctor couldn’t even get a heartrate measurement on him yesterday, he was so “karate-kid.” It’s cool, you know? Creating life? Being a vessel and all that. I’m starting to not mind the spherical shape of my body these days… sometimes.

In other news, I somehow bombed my medical math test and will now have to take an entire quarter of ALGEBRA because of it. I’m convinced there’s a mistake. I felt good about that test. Perhaps with my good looks and charm, I can get out of this… And perhaps play the pregnancy card too? Lame. But school is almost over for the first quarter. Another week. My brain is fried. Leaking out of my ears. No longer caring about terms and membranes and adduction. I have no idea how I’ll pass next quarter, even more pregnant-brained and distracted… I’ve felt like crying the past few days because of how overwhelming I feel at the moment. I mean, really, can I do this? This Veterinarian business is completely something new for me. Seriously, what was I thinking? But that annoying stubborn part of me is determined to get through it, mostly because I want to prove my family wrong for not believing I can do it.

You know, for all the wrong reasons-I want to do this. Ick.

 

Silas now has eyelashes, can swallow, has an inner ear and will weigh up to a pound and a half by the end of this week. GET THAT, EYELASHES.

serena.

Giving this a shot, again. I like the idea of public blogs, but I seem to think my life is too private/uninteresting/simple to qualify, but you know, there are tons of people out there with blogs saying absolutely nothing. So I’ll rejoin the majority. Because that’s what I do.

School is winding down with two weeks left in the quarter and an A average, still maintained. I feel proud of myself for refinding that Little Miss Honor Roll I lost back in seventh grade or so. Yes, I was a geek. A school geek. Now I’ve just got something to prove and a stubborn attitude and it’s getting me places. It would be amazing if I kept this up throughout my entire time going through college again. I’m sure it wouldn’t look bad on my part. I ultimately want to work in laboratories with this degree of Applied Sciences. I’d forgotten how big of a hard-on I have for Science and microscopes and the smell of Glycerol… -sigh- The white labcoat fits me, strangely enough.

This from a girl who hacked at it with her art for four years. I was convinced that was the only path for me. I was convinced of a lot of things. With experience, I’ve realized that life is what you make it. And I wasn’t making it. And life sucked, therefore.

Now it’s all… bewildering. I will be a mother in 4 months or less and a wife in less than a month. Ask me a year back if this is how I saw myself, I would’ve been drunk and passed out in my own vomit. Sad. I do miss a lot of the recklessness. Being preggo definitely put a lid on all of that. Perhaps for the better because it was getting out of hand. And I tend to abuse to keep up with the other abusers and there are a lot of them in my life right now. Which is another thing that I wish they’d grow out of. Or atleast start finding some direction to fling their intoxicated bodies in.

Life is what you make it.